Journal Entries

October 19, 1994

Hello, my name is Jesse Becton Tancemore, Jr. I was born on October 17, 1956 at Thomas Jefferson Hospital in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and according to my mother I was born at 12:30am.  My mother’s name was Eula Mae Bell (maiden name).  She was born and raised in Durham, North Carolina on May 14 and had two brothers and three sisters.  

My mother died from a gunshot from a 38 caliber handgun to the heart in 1971 or thereabout in the summer.  My father’s name was Jesse Becton Tancemore, Sr.  He was born and raised in Joppatown, Maryland and had one sister and three brothers.  My mother is buried in Eden’s Cemetery (Pennsylvania) and my father is buried in Maryland. 

I have two sisters from my mother of which one is by my father and the 

Other is by my stepfather, Percy Bowens.  I have so much to say but I will slow down and start as far back as I can remember.

My first memory of life is at school, maybe the 4th grade. Whatever I did, maybe not pay attention, I was told to stand outside and I remember how nice the school was outside my classroom.  Later in life, I found out that the school was called Central and it was located in Maryland on Trimble Road not far from Dembetown Road which was down the road from my grandmother’s house, located 627 Trimble Road.  THere I met my family on my father’s side of the family.

October 24, 1994

My mother’s brothers (Harvey and Monroe) and sisters (Haddy, Vircey, Gannall) names are written in my head forever because I knew them all except Monroe.  So are my fathers’ brothers (Clifton, Ernest, Louis) and Sister (Helen).  My father’s mother’s sister also my father’s mother’s name was Dorothy Octavia Bishop Tancemore.  She had one brother named Monroe and three sisters (Angela, Nellie, Littiea). 

My mother’s sisters and brothers’ names were Harvey, Sanal, Vircey,Haddy.  Haddy had one daughter named Janice who was the one who accidentally shot my mother in the heart.  Janice had three boys and two girls.  I was raised with them.  

My sisters’ names are Tijuana and Danielle.  My father has two other children, Brenda and Danielle are about 34 and Lamont, my son’s age now is about 15.

November 11, 1994

I remember all of my aunts and uncles and I have a personal story about each of them even though they are all deceased.  I am 38 years old now and in jail with a life sentence.  Even now I am still trying to understand how I got myself in this situation.  Today is Veteran’s Day and I am a Vietnam Veteran.  I went in the USMC in 1974-76.

November 12, 1994

Today is Sunday and I’m trying hard to understand the law of Pennsylvania.  So I go to the law library on Sunday afternoons.  I think about my mother a lot because she is the driving force behind me trying so hard and I have come from a 3rd-grade reading level to 13.5 in just three years.

November 14, 1994

I remember that my father Jesse Sr. told me that my mother’s (Ora) was from overseas and that my mother’s father (Chester) was a dark black man and when he was in the navy or overseas he brought himself back an oriental wife.  My mother’s mother (Ora) and all of her sisters and brothers were light-skinned people as I am but they were a lot lighter-skinned.

November 18, 1994

One very good lesson my mother taught me is to never think that someone’s idea isn’t a good one. She did this just before she died.  My stepfather and mother were planning to move back to North Carolina and they were thinking about starting a business.  One of the names for that business was my mother’s idea called “The Slack Rack”.  I was a kid about 12 or 13 and I said that is a dumb idea.  My mother didn’t say anything and when she saw a store with the same name she said look there and I did.  Then she said, “never call someone’s idea dumb”. From that moment on, I learned a very good lesson.

I saw my real father put a piece of his car, well I didn’t actually see him put this piece called a baffle on the car, but I saw the finished work.  It’s the piece that holds the headlights and the grill.  As I said I saw the finished work and I was so impressed with what I saw. I thought deep down inside that I can do anything I try to do and now I can type 46 words per minute and I have gotten a certificate in electronics.  I am now working on my 2nd year in that subject and am working hard with my English to improve my spelling, reading, and writing.  My mother was a typist and she worked for Rizzo when he was Police Commissioner.  Then she voted for him for Mayor of the city of Philadelphia.  Then she died and I grew up and voted for

him for his second term but for his third term, I voted for the mayor to be limited to two terms.

My mother use to sing in the house and she sounded very good.  It sounded like opera.  She also talked with pride about her political thoughts and what her generation had built like roads.  She showed me a road dedicated by Mayor Tate.

December 3, 1994

It’s almost Christmas time now and I am reminded of my mother when she used to sing around the house.

February 21, 1995

I have much to thank the Lord for today.  Even though to date I have spent a little better than four years in prison on a life sentence in Pennsylvania where there is no payroll for a person serving life here.

May 19, 1996

In my lifetime, I have been a cub scout.  I went to Judo school and I have had animals as pets and later in life, I was even in the US Marines.

October 27, 1996

My birthday was on the 17th of this month and I am now 40 years old still smoking cigarettes and trying hard to stop.  Also, I’m still trying hard to spell better and my typing is getting better each day.

May 28, 1995

I just remembered a story that my father told me.  He shared that he and his brother, I think Louis, was living in Philadelphia when horses and wagons were still being used and coal was the main source of heat for most people.  He and his brothers rented a horse and wagon and got five hundred pounds of coal and sold it and did this three times and while he told the story to me he said how dumb he and his brother felt when they realized that they should have gotten 15 hundred pounds from the start.  

Also, he told me that at 4pm if you didn’t hold the horse when the food bell rang on his stomach, told him that it would be dinner time, the horse would run off with the wagon and whatever was in it.

My mother would also tell stories like times when she and her sisters were going to school and people would stay “ding dong there go the bells” which was her maiden name.

****FROM 1996-2001 NO ENTRIES****

February 1, 2001

Thought for today.  “Sometimes you don’t get a second chance.”

April 2, 2001

There is a person in prison who is the cousin of the victim of my case.  I am fearful but I continue to ask the Lord for protection and I live by that faith that I will be protected by my Lord.

April 23, 2001

I thank the Lord for things and this day of my life for me because I have lived longer than my mother and I hope to live as long as my father, age 57, at least.

June 27, 2001

I thank the Lord that I am alive to see the technical advances of this day and the ones my mother showed me in the cities.  I have been going to school now for almost 10 years and now I feel that I can communicate through writing.

June 29, 2001

I think I am very lucky to have had the mother, father and step-father that I have and the life that they all gave to me.

June 30, 2001

I am very lucky to have a picture of my Mom and Dad and even more because I knew them both.

September 28, 2001

My sister Linda (Brenda King) purchased a thin-body acoustic electric guitar for me about two months ago and I am in school learning how to play it.

October 15, 2001

I had a chance to call my sister, Linda, and wished her a Happy Birthday.  That felt good and I thank the Lord for being able to have a sister like her.

October 18, 2001

My birthday this year was the best in my whole life because I got to play my guitar with a jazz guitarist named Money Sutler and I didn’t have to work and had fun.

November 1, 2001

I had a birthday on October 17 and I am now 45 years old.  I thank the Lord for this time now and for being able to look back and say that I lived a good life and met a lot of nice people.

December 22, 2001

I thank the Lord today because I am alive to see all the things from my childhood dream come true like computers and cell phones in everyone’s home.

January 20, 2002

I thank the Lord for today because I see life for what it really is and without faith in God nothing else makes any sense.

February 27, 2002

I’m working hard to learn the guitar. It is my hope to one day play for the church.  The Catholic Church is letting me play for them once a week.  They are the ones who let me work for them and go to school.  I owe them a lot.  I owe Jesus a lot.  I also work hard on my penmanship and spelling.

February 28, 2002

I just listened to a sermon by Juanita Bynum that would make anyone reassess their stand for Jesus.

March 1, 2002

I don’t understand my life, but I’m trying to make everyday count.

March 2, 2002

Morning Entry: Since The Ponderosa no longer exists for me, I must bring the principles of The Ponderosa here with me in prison.

Night Entry: I talked to my sister Danielle on the phone and I received a visit from Anthony.  I wrote to Linda and I practiced on the guitar for about an half hour or so.

March 3, 2002

Afternoon entry, #1: My eyes aren’t so good these days and I’m 45 years old, but I spread love where I can.  I try to show Jesus’ light wherever I can through my actions and through my words.  I try hard to be at peace at all times.

Night entry, #2: I thought to myself today that I never got a chance to say thank you to my Dad or to tell my Mom that I loved her.

Night entry, #3: I think that I am trying so hard to learn to play the guitar because of a promise that was implied between me and my Mom.  She got me an electric guitar before she died.  I was only 15 at the time of her death, but the lessons that I learned from her and my Dad are still with me today.

March 10, 2002

I continue to try very hard to learn how to play the guitar.

March 24, 2002

I received a visit from my sister, Brenda, and I thank God for that because it’s Easter Sunday.  I enjoyed myself and I made sure that my sister had a good time.  We talked about the Bible and played chess and took pictures.

March 25, 2002

I’ll try again to learn to speak through the guitar.

March 26, 2002

I got some sleep and I feel better.  I also tried to play the guitar this morning and it sounded okay, but I need more practice.  I thank the Lord for this day and I will try to make it the best day possible.

March 27, 2002

I’m doing the right job I can in the judy of the guitar.  I got at least three hours a week in continent playing and so I don’t sound so bad.  I try to study some at night too.

March 29, 2002

I thank the Lord for this day which is Good Friday.  I am trying to heal my leg which has been hurting for about a month now.  I missed church this morning, but I made it my business to go and play the guitar yesterday, Thursday, for the Catholic Service.

March 30, 2002

Evening entry: I thank the Lord for another day that I can do better than yesterday and show the life of the Lord through my way of life. I thank the Lord that this day has gone well.  I was able to restore to working order what I could not without the Lord’s will.  Thank you for this day Lord.

Night entry: I continue to go over the scenes of my life as if they were yesterday.  And the people I’ve met in my life.  Although I’m thankful for having met them, I’m sorry for all the wasted time and relationships.

March 31, 2002

I’m becoming quite organized and I’m finding time to practice things like reading, the guitar, and penmanship.

April 1, 2002

My Mother had the right idea when she said give to the ones that you love while you live so that they can enjoy it because when you die, you do not know nor can you say anything to that person.

April 6, 2002

Today, I draw the line in the sand.  No more will I give to the people which ask and leave you out and give nothing in return, not even a thank you.

April 12, 2002

For this day, I thank the Lord that I can make an effort to do better and show God’s light through my life.

April 14, 2002

I had a visit from my sister, Brenda, yesterday and I thank the Lord for her because she has shown me love unmatched by anyone since my Mother died over 25 years ago.

April 17, 2002

I thank the Lord for this day in which I can do my best to show God’s light although sometimes it’s hard to be absolutely truthful.

April 18, 2002

I got a good compliment from my music teacher yesterday in class and it makes me feel good.  He said, “You the man” and “Follow Tancemore, he’s the man.”  I had been studying a piece of music for two weeks.

April 22, 2002

Dear Lord, I thank you for all the memories of people and events in my life and I want you to know that I love you for ordering the events that brought me and my loved ones into existence and have kept me alive, learning, and healthy.  My eyes aren’t great, but I can see.  Thank you, Lord.

May 11, 2002

I have learned to use a typewriter and I am very good at it.  I type on average about 40 words per minute.  Now, I’m trying to learn to play the guitar that my sister, Brenda, purchased for me.  I promised my Mother before she died by asking for the guitar that I will learn to play. I’m playing my guitar now and it makes me feel good.  I miss my Mom.  I’m glad I got to know my Mom and Dad and their families. I thank God that Little Jesse got to know a part of the family because this world is losing out every day on loved ones.  I have lost so many members of my family.

June 18, 2002

I thank the Lord for this day.  I’m awakened with the family on my mind – my Mom, Dad and siblings.

July 3, 2002

I put a picture of my Mom, Dad, and me on the wall for strength and it works.

July 26, 2002

This is my third request to move and now I’m hoping that I find peace.  I am in the third cell now.

September 12, 2002

I’m learning to play the guitar and I’m coming along, slowly.  I miss being free, but I see that the things I used to do like driving with no car insurance or driver’s license would not have been accepted in this new world.

October 11, 2002

I’m closer today to my goal of playing the guitar fluently.

October 22, 2002

I had a birthday and now I’m 46.  I heard from Linda and Peggy, but no one else from my family.  

Guitar lessons are okay, but still needs work.

January 26, 2003

I got new glasses.  I heard from my wife and all my sisters have lost interest in me, but still I count myself blessed because I’ve been blessed to have had contact with so many people, family and others. I got my wife’s picture from her mother.  I got my mother’s picture from my stepfather.  I got my military picture from someone I met long ago, named Claudia Smith, who Tijuana met and gave me her phone number. 

I have Linda’s and Lemon’s picture and my Dad’s too.  I also have Danielle’s picture because I can look at them and know that I have held them all in my arms.  I count myself blessed.  Although I feel low because I am in prison forever, I know in my heart that I have been and continue to be blessed.

March 30, 2003

I thank the Lord for this day in which I have learned so much.  It’s abot what you have inside you such as love for your family, fellow man, and God.

May 19, 2003

I’ve had the guitar for about one year and although I know much more than I did when I got it, I’m asking you God now to teach me to play well.  I’m also asking for freedom to rejoin society. Amen.

August 10, 2003

I’ve been working very hard on learning to play the guitar and I do know a lot more than I did when I started.  However, it’s still a lot of work and I have so much more to learn.

September 16, 2003

I’m doing okay with learning the guitar, but I need to put more practice time in.

October 13, 2003

I’m coming along good in my guitar study.  I’m going to make a legal brief even if the courts never see it.

May 10, 2004

I’m getting to the point where I can play a little. I’m proud of myself, but I also see a lot more work ahead although I’m happy for the progress so far.  

July 11, 2004

I ask you Jesus to give me the talent I need to play well and the will to do so for you also.  Please let me be free from prison so my sisters can see me play in person.  Amen.

November 3, 2004

I’m doing okay with the music.  I’m losing contact with members of my family, namely Linda.

March 1, 2005

I’m doing well with the guitar.  I’ve learned to play it in G, F, C and D by sight reading.  Although I’m not fast, I can do it.  I’ve been in prison now for about 15 years and with no end in sight, but I have a renewed vigor in my fight today.

March 18, 2005

I’m playing the guitar in several different keys and I’m doing better.  I feel better although I need more work on my chords and strum patterns.

July 16, 2005

I’m doing much better in my study of music and not so well in my research of law for my freedom.  I’m also attempting to save some money.  I will see how that goes.

July 21, 2005

I would like to paint with sound.

August 18, 2005

I’m better at playing the guitar, but I need help in other area’s of my life like my mental stage.

August 27, 2007

By the way my electronics skills have ripened and I’m very close to becoming a musician.  I’m learning the guitar and the piano. I can type faster than most people can talk.  My law skills are being put to the test as well.

May 18, 2010

I missed my Mother’s birthday this year, May 14, because I had to work and time slipped by.  When I realized it, the day had passed.  I’m doing my best to cope with being in person for the rest of my life and it’s not the life I envisioned for myself long ago.  I’m working hard to become a musician, but it’s hard work for me.  However, I continue to try.  It’s night now and I’m wondering whether to rest or keep working toward my goal of reading and writing well and music.

May 18, 2010

I have decided to use a pencil to honor my Dad, Jesse Becton Tancemore, Sr. because he liked pencils and I noticed that when we were together while he was living.  My Mother, Mae, always strived to be the best in all that she did and I have her traits in that my Dad was the same way.

He put a baffle on the front of his car and encouraged me to put an exhaust on my car in this way, my mother also fixed things and showed me by recovering the speakers in the stereo and removing a small wall to make a room bigger. So my dance with perfection started with them, thank God.

May 21, 2010

I pray that wherever I go or whomever I meet them and I are the better for having known one another.

May 28, 2010

I’m doing my best to become a good musician.

May 31, 2010

Morning entry: I thought of my Dad today and I ask his forgiveness for the state of my life today.

Afternoon entry: I started reading the Bible today.

June 6, 2010

I thank the Lord this morning for protection, my health, strength, mind, and body.

June 15, 2010

Today, I find myself with not much family contact to speak of. I ask the Lord’s forgiveness for any wrong that I have done to any of them at any time in my life, and for any missed opportunities.

June 16, 2010

I am doing the best that I can do to perfect my music and English studies at the same time I read my Bible praying for freedom from prison, good health, and the talent to be a music maker and a good writer so that when I have something to say, I can write it and lastly I pray for good penmanship and favor with the Lord. Amen.

June 28, 2010

I am so stressed today because of the selfishness of everyone and every institution around me, the church, prison, and every other body that represents people.  There seems to be no genuine love for others, only an agenda for self-service even if it includes using everyone else around you.

July 10, 2010

I thank the Lord that I have peace today.  The Lord found me a cell with a nice Christian.

July 11, 2010

Morning entry: I have been told that my toilet is of no concern.  It hasn’t worked in three days now.  I work on building my body up and getting fitter.

Night entry: I have tried to be a nice Christian for these past 20 years and all that it has gotten me here is molested, extorted, and taken advantage of on many levels. I have made up my mind to bodybuild and to me that’s all these people seem to understand. 185 pounds. Fat stomach.

July 12, 2010

The cell and cellmate where I’m at are different and good today.

July 16, 2010

Today is a good day.  I studied my music last night and this morning and my mind’s eye is open more each day about what selfish people do.

July 20, 2010

I want to thank the Lord because I have peace today in my living quarters.

August 3, 2010

I have been informed that my close friend is not in good health.  She has cancer and she has been a faithful friend for at least 12 years now.

August 4, 2010

I got news that Crystal is dying in a few hours. I’m hurt because she has been my rock for 12 years now.

August 14, 2010

I had a good friend named Crystal and she died this month.  She really cared for me.  Now I am alone again.  I prayed for great goodness to happen to me just as great bad things have happened to me.

August 19, 2010

I’m learning that the best way to moral happiness is the straight and narrow path which is not always the easiest path to travel in this crooked world. 

August 24, 2010

I have come to the realization that life and people aren’t fair and I will live accordingly. 

September 7, 2010

I’m doing my best to live as an honest person, but with so much negativity it’s hard.

September 10, 2010

I am no longer blaming myself for being in jail.  I’m not blaming the victim either, the full weight is not on me.

September 11, 2010

In this country, one doesn’t have the right to yell fire in a public place and you also don’t have the right to piss a person off to the point that they lose control of themselves and want to harm you.

September 11, 2010

I’d like to thank the Lord today for my state of being.  I’m alive and making an effort everyday to be of some use to the Lord.  I’m learning to read, play the piano and guitar, and most importantly, I’m learning to live an upright life and walk in truth.

September 24, 2010

I happily nicknamed a new passion since Crystal’s death.  It’s called God’s work. I’m learning to play well enough to play alone in the church on piano and guitar.  I still have a way to go yet, but I’m on the path today.

October 17, 2010

I thank the Lord today for my 54th birthday and all that I have been given.

November 25, 2010

It’s Thanksgiving Day and I am more proficient at the guitar, but I see that I need to work harder to play well for the Lord.

January 3, 2011

I find myself blessed in this new year with a cell with only one bed and I am in the church band.  Although I’m not very good, God has given me a spot and I also have a bank account with money. 

January 17, 2011

I’m in a single cell on the top floor. I’m working hard to learn to play and although things aren’t perfect.  I’m at least conscious of my blessings and I’m trying to protect them by doing the right things and not the wrong things.

January 22, 2011

I think and or know that I’m doing better with the guitar, finally!

January 24, 2011

I’m getting a little better at what I’m doing as far as the music and English studies go.  And I thank God for all the opportunities that I have been given thus far.

February 20, 2011

I will ask God to listen today with human ears.  I’ve tried to learn the song called Amazing Grace.  It’s Sunday and I’m up thanking the Lord for the day and my life through my Grandmother mostly today.

February 25, 2011

I have been working hard on my music playing and English grammar and I’m learning so much.  I have my Mom to thank for that (thank you Mom).

March 10, 2011

I wrote Tijuana a card yesterday and I hope to hear from her.  I thank the Lord for the advancements that I have made in my music and English grammar studies and I also know I still have a long way to go to be considered good at either.

March 17, 2011

Today, I’m in the church band and although there are some people in the church that I might question their motives I answer that by saying “It’s not how you got there, as long as you are there.”  I work hard these days for the smallest bit of knowledge, but I count it a privilege because I can learn although I may be slow, I do learn.

March 18, 2011

I am no longer in contact with my sister.  I’m wise enough to know when people have genuine love for me.

April 27, 2011

Thank you Lord for today.  I’m in the church band and my music studies are hard, but I’m there. I’m also studying grammar and I thank You for that my time is being spent wisely as well as Your money. It’s hard but I’m okay with it.  No family contact, but You are all!

May 10, 2011

I sent all my sisters a Mother’s Day card and I also talked to my Aunt Helen on the phone.  I am in prison for life, but the Lord has me in a good place with all that I need – a single cell and a TV, guitar, piano, radio and peace of mind.  No contact with my sisters or other remaining family, but I am in contact with my son, my stepfather, and aunt – my father’s sister.  Thank you God.

May 11, 2011

With my mother’s birthday fast approaching, I am at a lost as to what I should do for my non-responding sisters to my letters.

May 12, 2011

I have decided to attend the Thursday Bible study of which I sit now.  I feel this is the right decision for me.

May 26, 2011

I thank God for today because I can make an effort to live better for tomorrow.  My studies are coming along nicely.

May 29, 2011

Morning Entry: I’m up this morning feeling blessed to have had two of the nicest people in the world raise me, my Mom and Dad, and all that was in them. It’s Sunday and this day I am blessed to be able to play guitar in the church band for Sunday service.

Night Entry: I’m taxing the old brain these days, but I feel it will be worth it because of my upbringing.

May 30, 2011

Morning Entry: I’ve come to the realization that my sister Tijuana don’t like me very much and it’s nothing that I did.  I’ve gotten too old to care anymore.

Night Entry: It’s Memorial Day and I would have enjoyed a visit from someone in my family. With me being a Veteran, but I do have fond memories of my life before prison doing nice things and working on this day in the past.

May 31, 2011

I talked to my Aunt Helen (my father’s sister) and she gave me love and told me not to worry about others.  I needed to hear from someone who really loves me just because I am family.  Thank you Lord. I will play the guitar with all my might, strength, and mind for you this Sunday at church service.

June 3, 2011

The Lord has allowed my eyes to be opened about selfish people and just to avoid them because they will never admit their wrongs, but always say you are wrong even when you know in your heart that you are right.  Thank you Lord.

June 7, 2011

I’m working hard to learn new chords on the guitar so I can play well during Sunday church services.

June 9, 2011

Today is my son’s birthday and I can say that my family has been blessed with all the things I had prayed for and for all these things and more, I thank Jesus.

June 13, 2011

These days, I struggle to keep up with more advanced playing but I do alright and I thank the Lord for that.  I don’t understand my life, but I’m trying to make everyday count.

June 16, 2011

I spend most days trying to be the best person I can.  I just wanted to take this time to thank God for all that I am.  Whatever that may be in my eyes or others.

June 20, 2011

I didn’t hear from anyone on Father’s Day yesterday, but I did play well at church and I signed up for a seminary course I hope to be approved for that starts next month.

June 26, 2011

I played in the service today and I did ok, but I could have done better, I think. I also practiced for the upcoming jazz show on July 4th which I’m in and the practice went well.

June 28, 2011

I need to do a better job at practice time.  I think that I let this life sentence weigh heavy on me.

June 29, 2011

I’m starting to get it together with my music, but the more I get it together, the more I see what I don’t know.

September 29, 2015

I continue to strive to be the best person I can be. I am now on packel and have been on it for a few months now. The prescription is good until January 2016 at which time I plan to discontinue it. My glasses have not come back yet, and it’s been a few months. I struggle to see some things. Still not contact from my siblings or stepson although I ask him to send my certificates so I could present them to the Veterans court.

October 16, 2015

Thank you God for today! It’s a day before my 59th birthday and the only communication I received was from Peggy. Thank you for the iPad I got for my birthday. I was a little to hard on it and it stopped working, but I’m tryin to get it fixed or just get another. Hopefully that will get done before Christmas.

October 26, 2015

For the second time in my life, I’ve seen why people really

August 4, 2021

I am writing again but this time, I don’t have enough time to keep up with all my thoughts on the law and in my personal writing. I do talk to! Tijuana and Little Jesse as often as I can but when I do talk to them they make me feel like I need to kiss them but to get along with them so I don’t call as often as I could. I am still reading about Booker T. Washington and how he got Tuskegee started and I must say that it is one of the most inspiring Books I have read. By now you know that I read slowly but I remember everything I have ever read!